I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
