My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
