I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
