This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
