why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
