Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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