my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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