glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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