her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
