return my video game
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
