My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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