I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
