I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
