Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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