Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
