I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
