i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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