life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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