woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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