she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
