Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
