she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
smell my finger.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
