Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize