he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
