I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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