i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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