I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
