I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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