she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
