wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
