I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize