shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
