I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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