I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
