Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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