I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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