I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
