There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
