If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
