i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
