Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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