I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize