I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
