Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's the barista slut.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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