Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
