Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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