i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
