Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
