I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
