OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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