That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
