I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
