Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
