Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
