All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize