We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
