my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
