we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
