my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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