i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
