Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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