Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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