How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
