I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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