I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
