Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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