it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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