When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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