How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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